a-n-d-breathe:
I’m literally BEGGING for your help. Voters also get a chance of winning a $100 gift card to H&M, Gap, Nordstrom, Buckle, Old Navy, or Abecrombie and Finch. So please vote vote vote!
a-n-d-breathe:
It would mean the WORLD to me if at least 100 of you could you please vote for my photo that I entered in the Snow White and the Huntsman theme contest that my school is running. I’m currently in 5th place and if I could at least make it to 3rd I would be content. This is the link —-> …
I’m beginning to think that I will never be looked at as more than just the friend.
I know I’m not very confident. I know I lack drive. I know I’m not pretty.
But don’t I have some qualities that make me stand out? Or am I just that average that I’m under average?
It’s hard to try and pour my heart out because I’m so afraid of rejection. I’ve never been through it, but I have that gut feeling that my heart wont take to well to that. Just the idea hurts.
I just want to be loved and told that I appointment doesn’t always happen and that commitment really isn’t all that scary.
Maybe I should invest in a cat because as far as it looks I will never have that love.
Today is the day that I stop eating. According to my mom it’s a huge hassle to have me living in her house and it’s an even bigger deal that I eat her food. She’s so full of shit and at this point I fucking hate her.
She calls me a liar and accuses me for making everything in her life difficult. She feeds everyone lies about me and how I don’t do anything to help her out. How she is always helping with my job situation. No that’s full of fucking shit.
So here is a little speech that I just want to scream at her :
If it’s so easy to get a job, then why is she still working at the place that she’s so miserable at? Well it’s because it is fucking hard to get a god damn job!
Yes I had a job, but you weren’t the one that got told to skip your lunch break so that everyone else could go out and have a “team lunch meeting” and you weren’t the one that had to stay late because someone else didn’t want to work that day. No that wasn’t you. You also weren’t the one that was told that you couldn’t go to a doctors appointment because no one wanted to take switch shifts with you.
I am so sorry that I’m not the daughter you wanted but I’m trying. I’m going to school just as you forced me to. I let you call me all sorts of names I let you slap me around and I let you make me look like a total irresponsable person. But you are my mother how dare you do shit like that. How dare you!
You are the worst person in the world, and throwing a fit about food and a little gas money here and there? Wow, you are super fucking low.
I hope you’re happy for what you are about to do to me because as of right now I really fucking hate you.
(Source: psychohydroxis, via s-h-i-n-s)
(Source: gummychocolates, via dearerincountmein)
Dear Tumblr,
I don’t always feel pretty, and when I do and try to capture a picture I’m always disappointed. It’s as if the camera doesn’t lie and makes you realize that you’re really not pretty even when the mirror is finally being nice.
I am absolutely exhausted! I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in maybe a week. Today I got two hours of sleep after being up since yesterday at 9 am.
What is wrong with me?!
You know what really sucks? When you do what ever you possibly can for someone and they can’t do the same for you. You just sit there with your mouth shut and nod your head with a fake smile plastered on your face, but really you’re screaming for anyone to just get you the fuck out of there. The smile is more of a plead for help, but you don’t want that person knowing that it’s fake just for the sake of having a friend.
I’m honestly not that kind of person, but when you only have one friend to actually be around you value that more than anything. You try your hardest to make them happy by being their personal puppet and letting them make decisions for you. It really really just stinks, especially when they want you to do something and you honestly just don’t feel up for it and you don’t want to disappoint them but you know that your body just can’t take it.
I haven’t been sleeping for the past month, my mind is just racing with worry and I’ve been constantly stressed. I want to tell someone, but let’s be honest. I’m more of the kind of person that listens and never talks. Why? Because I feel like I bore others with my problems. It seems like people just stare at my lips while I speak but are tuned out or just plotting a way to walk out of my life completely.
I’ve already been in the situation where I just couldn’t do something and the “friend” ignored me for so long, telling me it was because I was a “user” and “not a real friend”. But after two months of being alone, I grew accustomed to the loneliness. I had accepted it and they just waltzed right back into my life like nothing ever happened. I don’t want that.
Not now. I need someone. Some people don’t really realize how much I just need someone there to keep me company, to keep me from just falling off the edge.
I lost my main support and I just struggle every day now without him.
I may sound like I’m crying for some sort of pity, but I’m not. I’m being thoroughly honest here. I’m still at that breaking point, where I’ll do anything just to have my dad back and knowing that there is only one way just makes the thoughts so selfish.
A true friend is all I need. Someone that I can sit at home and watch movies with, someone that understands that I can’t always go out, someone that respects the fact that I am not fucking loaded with money and can just go here and there.
But of course, I won’t tell anyone this because I don’t want to look dependent on something that isn’t realistic. I don’t want to look like a sore loser or a cry for attention.
All I want is to be heard once in a while and someone that will finally actually listen to my feelings without judging me.
Why can’t I just have that? Why is it that I only have friends that just come as they please and go when I don’t/want to do one little thing?
Sometimes I wonder what people really think or say about me. Preferably him.
I mean I have never in my 19 years of life fell so hard for someone and I sometimes question every feeling that I had/have.
Why did I fall for such a great person, with great values and level headed.
What qualities do I have that would even make me attractive? Honestly, who would want to date me?
I’m a smart ass, a bitch, some people have even gone to the lengths as to call me an alcoholic and hard headed. I have so many aspirations and goals but when I go to start them I get so nervous and start second guessing my choice and I give up. I can’t finish anything that I start.
This is one of the major reason’s why I don’t want to be in a relationship, because I’m afraid of getting hurt.
But I think I actually love this guy. It’s terrifying!
Terrifying in the way that I already know that I’m going to get my heart shattered because I will never be good enough for him…let alone any other guy out there.
Why do I feel like this?